Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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