Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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