I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize