then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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