That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
