Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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