he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
