Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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