I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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