Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
