Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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