i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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