You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
