ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
