It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
