k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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