Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
