I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
