loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
