I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
