i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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