You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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