I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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