I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
