I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize