Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
