I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Farmville is her only friend.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
