Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
