farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
