best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize