Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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