Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
