hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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