evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
