Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
