I hate your face
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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