I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize