She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
