On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They have beer where we have blood.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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