I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My vagina is very pro this idea
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
