I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
