When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
