he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize