I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it's like iHOP with fire
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
