Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
