he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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