Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
