you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
