I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
