The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
