He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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