I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize