standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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