Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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