Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
