I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
