I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
