honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize