How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
