I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
