You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
