he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
