This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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