Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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