you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
