Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
this will be a night to untag.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
