Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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