You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
