He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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