Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
