I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
