I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
