Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
