things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
