Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
