I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
