never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
