I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
