her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
