I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
